ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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