Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
