So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
