If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
