it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
