why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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