I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
