ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
