i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
