Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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