So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
