if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
