beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
