He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
