Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
