I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
