Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
