It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
