We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
