Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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