I just cut my nipple shaving
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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