i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
