You're completely useless in the revolution.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
