I got chris browned last night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
