PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
