then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
