thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
why is half of my head shaved?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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