I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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