She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
