Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
