Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
