yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
