It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
