You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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