Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
