Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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