Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
