Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
