when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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