I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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