I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
