I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
