his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
