I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
