Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
