i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Someone signed my nipple.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
