I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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