Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
