Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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