every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I didn't notice because vodka
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
