quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
